‘To all those who hurt so much!’

I’m so sorry that you are dealing with hurts,  Depression,  thoughts of suicide, feelings of being lost in this world, confusion,  addictions and general lost self worth!
There was a time when I lived in your world too. Even when people around me thought I was doing well. They couldn’t see the pain behind my smiling face. I drank in hopes of changing the realities around me. Or maybe I was just trying to block out my own fears and the monsters that haunt the mind. I felt the two creatures living on my shoulders. one telling me to be good, to accomplish all my dreams of who I could be. That God and His Son Jesus are real. They love you and can give you peace. To be happy.
The other spoke even louder, telling me that I am forever a looser, that I will never be anything, that God isn’t real, and wouldn’t care about me if he was! I am unworthy of happiness or success or love. If people got to know the real me they would not like me and would throw me away! Just get drunk and forget them all!
Yes, I lived where you are, I knew the only way out was to end the pain by ending my life. I have had the barrel of a shotgun in my mouth,  tasted the metal, oil and dust. Felt The hole of the barrel with my tongue. So close to pushing the trigger with My foot.
May I say that I don’t live there anymore! I also don’t believe you have to either. My hope for you is that you’ll try my path out of the life you in today. It didn’t come easy or instantly, life is a journey with bumps and roadblocks that want to stop our journey to that peace and fulfillment.
For me it came one day when I’d had enough, I had no more choices to make. I was just done! Done with everything.
From a neighbor that kept bugging me about his God ,came the question : ‘I think Jesus is saying something to you, are you listening?’ Well, I wanted away from him and his ‘God can do it’ message, so I left as fast as I could and still be polite. But as I got alone, I said, Ok God, if your real, heal me or kill me, because I can’t go any further. Then I went on with my misery.
A few days later I realized something was changing in me. I didn’t know what but I think I was becoming more open to hearing from that good voice on my shoulder and less available to the negative voice. Gradually my life changed from the failure attitude to I’m worth saving because God made me and He really is real and loves me just as I am!!
Is God saying something to you today? Will you try what I did? Ask God to show you He is real and if He is to change your heart and life? Then see how things start to happen as your voices Change the way they effect you. May God be with you all! I love you and am here if you have questions. 

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